I Believe In Massive Fucking Action
I’ve been through some tough shit. Physically and sexually abused as a child. Foster care from 15-18. Domestic violence as a young woman. FBI raid. Overdose. Homelessness. Pysche Ward. Jail. Shelter.
From slinging pancakes, to being self-employed.
Lately, when a challenge comes my way I say, ‘Bring it!’.
I experienced jail in the Spring of 2016 and wrote this book, 30 Days and 18 Hours, two years later. MFA.
Writing and other forms of art were my outlets growing up. You can imagine how freaked out my teachers were in high school when they read my colorful papers about the abuse I endured before foster care.
Much like the pensieve in Harry Potter, but with a laptop, I had to get the trauma from jail out of my head.
I’ve been snapping photos on my own since 2017. About the same time I started on my own, I was inspired by my rehabilitation in Hope House to start a nonprofit focused on volunteerism and food justice in Kansas City, Missouri. Since gaining nonprofit 501(c)3 status in 2019, we’ve had nearly a $2,000,000 impact in our community. MFA.
I wrote and self-published this book for my 28th birthday in 2018, and let it be. It was good enough. My brain was tired of going back through repeatedly as I corrected grammar and remembered painful memories. It was good enough.
This time, I want to weaponize my book. I want everyone in the fucked up system to see through my eyes. Judges. Mental Health Professionals. Police. Doctors. Guards. Lawyers. See how traumatizing your system is. Read about mental illness through the eyes of the illness itself. Get familiar with my pain and do your damned best to protect others from fates like mine. MFA.
This time, I want to heal with my book. If there’s been a time in your life when you’ve been entirely helpless. No one was there for you. People were against you. You had no control. You didn’t want keep living. The police took your freedom. Or the hospital took your freedom. Or you were out on the streets and hungry. You and I are in this together. You are not alone. MFA.
This time, I want my book to help prevent future similar mental health tragedies.
Learn from my story. Save yourself. Get therapy.
Don’t use medications without a Doctor’s guidance. Doctors - don’t prescribe mental pills without suggesting therapy or other holistic options first. Tell your patients about mixing meds with marijuana, and maximum dosages.
Mental health screenings aren’t strong enough. Psychiatric centers focus on keeping ya on the meds you can’t afford when you get released, and release you to someone who shouldn’t have custody of you in the first place.
Not only do you have to spend time and lose many freedoms in jail - but you also get dehumanized by other people in authoritative roles.
Court appointed attorneys probably lead to more pain and suffering than necessary. Brandon Deines specifically can suck my dick. Judges don’t pay nearly enough attention to the mental health status of inmates. Keeping a person in jail for a month on a $1,000 bond makes total sense.... NOT. Bail bondsmen ruin all sense of hope.
We shouldn’t have to live in fear that our lives will be mishandled by the very people we should be trusting.
Thankfully, nonprofits exist. I am grateful there are compassionate people to run programs which help people rebuild their identities. That’s what I did. Found myself again with a LOT of help. However, who I found wasn’t the me I was familiar with anymore. The new me has a burning desire to make change happen. First, from within. Then, around me. Now, everywhere else. MFA.
So, there’s some shit about me. It’s not going to be pretty.
Overdosing on SSRI’s, hallucinating, driving your car into train tracks, climbing thru the sunroof to spray paint your naked body, walk through the woods over a dam thinking you’re on your way to your wedding ceremony in a trailer park— only to be taken to the ER by the police - isn’t pretty.
But it’s pretty fucked up.
#fuckthesystem #MFA
Tiffany Buckley
Photo and Shibari by Ken Claypool